Marriage Retreat teaches patience, effective communication

  • Published
  • By Senior Airman Clinton Pearson
  • 2nd Civil Engineer Squadron
BARKSDALE AIR FORCE BASE, La. --  My wife and I attended the Summer Marriage Retreat through the Barksdale Chapel and we thoroughly enjoyed it. The opening day set the tone: they asked us to ask ourselves a rhetorical question, "Why do I love this person and why did I get married?"

We were asked to leave our cell phones in the rooms for the duration of the weekend so we could give total attention to our spouses, the sessions, videos and other spouses.

A worksheet we completed and discussed really opened my eyes to different perspectives about my life. It was the family rules/traditions worksheet. An activity was put into play to get us thinking about our life and the rules or traditions we had during childhood. Some of the topics included traditions/celebration, communication (how was it between mom and dad?), forgiveness (was it portrayed in the home), conflict and fights (how were they handled?), money (how was it managed?), religion (was it taught, exemplified, or practiced?), and separation (were there periods when you were separated from your parents and how did you deal with it?). After reviewing the worksheet, it shed light on some things that happened in the past that could possibly affect our marriage. We shared our experiences and reviewed things we want to practice in our marriage and what we want to keep out of our relationship values.

I also found out there were periods in my wife's life when she didn't have her dad around, and she persevered. I looked at my past and noticed that the communication between my mom and dad wasn't productive with disputes and solutions. I made a mental note to never repeat some of the things my parents did or bring it into our marriage. We also agreed that if we ever have any disputes or arguments that we would never fuss or fight in front of our future children; we made a rule to do that behind closed doors.

My wife felt the retreat was exciting and used it as a tool to revamp and reanalyze some things about her and our marriage. During her breakout sessions with the women, she learned about what other spouses were experiencing and events she had yet to experience. The environment prepared her for certain situations and helped her learn from other women and their solutions. These items stimulated discussion on how she felt and sparked discussion for later conversation over dinner.

We learned a lot from the informational videos that were shown throughout the retreat. They were humorous, yet spiritual and effective. There was one video about a couple who thought they knew each other but about a year after they were married realized that they didn't. Their communication was very different as well as their habits and values and they had to adjust to one another. Another video really loosened the environment as it was a standup comedian on the topic of marriage.

The retreat also taught a new communication method for spouses to use; the Knee-to-Knee, Eye-to-Eye was an interesting concept and gave a new perspective of communication. We literally had to face each other in our chairs and sit knee-to-knee and eye-to-eye. My wife had my full attention and I had hers. We felt the level of intimacy of the conversation on the topics we were told to discuss with our spouses. The concept helped us to open up to one another and be truthful.

Later in the afternoon both days, we were released to enjoy downtown Fort Worth and the cities attractions. It was nice to socialize with other couples, meet new people and spend time together away from home. Groups walked and explored the area at night. It was memorable and helped us continue to live a resilient marriage.

At the end of the weekend, we were given the opportunity to face each other and verbally proclaim our vows to one another again. It was special to see the twinkle in my wife's eyes during that moment. At that time, I believe every couple in the room captured that moment as a good memory of the retreat.

While being in the military, the word resiliency has been important to me. As a husband, I have invested myself into building a resilient marriage. I look for anything like a marriage retreat to build a strong marriage that will last. Being in the military, I know I will be put in tough situations which will also place my wife in a tough situation. I need her to be just as resilient as I'm trained to be.

I've learned that you have to be patient starting out in marriage because you are still getting to know one another and learning to deal with life together. Give yourself time to adjust. Communication is powerful. It may take some years to get on the same page, but it can be done with patience and effective communication.